Have you ever had the chance to read any of Nora Ephron's work? I'm sure you've seen her movies: When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Bewitched; just to name a few. She was a journalist, essayist, humorist, screenwriter, novelist -- to have just a fraction of her career is something I aspire to. She's written a few books, two of my favorites are: I Feel Bad About My Neck and I Remember Nothing. In each of her books, she brings together a series of her essays, most of which have been published with magazines, in newspapers and the NPR. What I love about each book, is that she has this segment: What I Wish I'd Known. It's basically a compilation of phrases that she inevitably wishes to her younger self and what she wishes younger women could know now. It's creative, witty, heartbreaking all at the same time.

I've always been inspired by What I Wish I'd Known and took a little time to write some down for myself and for my children to read someday~


It gets easier. 

You can have a lot of friends. Invest in the 3 closest ones. That's all you can handle.

Think positive. It really helps. 

Be kind to yourself. 

You are gorgeous.

You are smart. 

You are creative.

"Write hard and clear about what hurts."~ Earnest Hemmingway

Listen to those who give you criticism like this: encourage, constructive criticism, then encourage. Everyone else doesn't matter.

You will feel more comfortable in your skin at 33 than at 23. 

There will be people who don't like you. People you don't get along with. AND IT'S ALL GOOD.

Fear God. Not people.

Love God. Love people.

"You have enemies? That's good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life." 
~Winston Churchill

Decisions you make don't just affect you. Decisions affect those around you, too.

You don't know what you don't know. 

When it hurts, forgive. Move on. Let it go.

The best red wine hands down is chianti.

The best white wine hands down is pinot grigio.

Happy pills got nothing on a hot bath with lavender epsom salts, a glass of either listed above and Miles Davis playing on the record player. 

"You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will."~Stephen King

Your children will be mirrors of your soul: the best parts of you. The worst parts of you.

You don't sleep after you have kids. But you will again someday. Enjoy this moment in time.

Mean girls have mean girls. Nice girls have nice girls. So be nice.

You can let emotions rule you or logic rule you. It's good to have the perfect mix of both.

The best kind of food to cook takes a half hour or less. 

Never stop learning. 

Never stop reading. 

As it turns out, it is about who you know. Not what you know.

Have joy and encouragement for everyone around you. Life is incredible this way. 

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” —Harriet Beecher Stowe

Have you heard that saying "beauty from ashes" before?

Google it (which I went ahead and did for you) and you'll find a myriad of things: biblical references, pictures of tattoos, self help websites--you get the point. 

I've always wondered "what is all this talk about ashes and why do I have to trade beauty for it?!"

It's origins actually come from a verse in the Bible. In the book of Isaiah, chapter 61~

I will bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes....

To me it's always been such a beautiful verse and it brings great meaning to my life. I wanted to seek out some depth to what this verse means and the background behind it. 

You see in ancient times, in times of mourning, grief, pain, even death; a person would sprinkle or rub ashes all over their head to symbolize what they were going through. It would represent many things; a time of rebirth of spirit, of purification. 

It was also a symbol of dust--

The dust, occupying the lowest place and trodden under foot, might well symbolize the downcast state of the afflicted; and, as in misfortune....

But it doesn't end there.

It's been written--

...to give them a garland for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. There we have two contrasted pictures suggested: one of a mourner with grey ashes strewed upon his disheveled locks, and his spirit clothed in gloom like a black robe; and to him there comes One who, with gentle hand, smooths the ashes out of his hair, trains a garland round his brow, anoints his head with oil, and, stripping off the trappings of woe, casts about him a bright robe...

It's an incredible description of being made new. Of being taken from the lowest place possible then being wrapped in comfort and being brought back from a place of disgrace and sorrow. 

After that sorrow, God gives joy. Joy in abundance. Joy that can't come from anything you draw out on your own. It's joy despite your circumstances. It's joy that is transforming. 

When I've seen someone illuminating this joy, overflowing in others; what I've seen is a person who has gone through the fire, the pain, the hurt and is now on the other side. 

There is a certain beauty that only comes from going through pain, hurt or sorrow. It's a beauty that radiates from within, it reaches out to others and it cries, "I am made NEW." I am made new because of my experience. I am made better.

My sister in law, Lindsey, emanates this. She has been through fire, through hell these past 8 years. Yet, if you are one of the fortunate ones like I am who gets to be within her influence, you would never know it. She shines with grace, love and giving spirit to everyone in her circle. She's a gifted photographer, you can find her work HERE and she sees the beauty in others and captures it in her pictures. You can see how she connects with each and everyone she photographs. I'm blessed to be her sister and friend. 

I know she would be the first to tell you it wasn't easy. That it was the most difficult thing she has ever experienced. She will tell you the only way she made it through was with the joy she was given. That she used joy to make it through each day. That her experience made her better. That it gave her a perspective on pain she never had before. How she can relate and love and care for others in way she never had before. 

Her pain changed her and she was given a crown of joy.

Can you relate to this? 

Have you been through the pain, the ashes? 

Are you on the other side or have you yet found that joy? 

How has it made you new?

When our family first found our way to Washington State, we moved to a remote place on the very edge of the peninsula facing Canada. It was a wonderful, beautiful place surrounded by the Olympic Mountains. We lived closed to one of the state parks that had this walking trail that opened to the ocean at the end. It was one of the most stunning views I've ever seen. And when the sun was shining you could see for miles along the coastline and Canada across the water. It's a breathtaking sight that will be imprinted on my mind forever. 

We would sometimes take that hike down to the ocean with our daughter, and every time we would get a message from our wireless carrier on our cell phones that would say:
 
"any voice or data use will incur out of country roaming charges."

What was so interesting is that Canada was across the water about 30 nautical miles away. We would always laugh because we would be standing on US soil, in Washington State, looking at the ocean and yet our cell phone company would tell us we were standing in another country. I mean, I love the Great White North and all those Canadians? Hey- they got class.

Each time I would read that text from the wireless company about the roaming, I felt like it was saying to us;

"you aren't where you think you are. You are HERE."  

There's this story in the Old Testament. It's in this book called Genesis. In that book there's this beautiful story about Joseph, the son of Jacob, the patriarch of God's chosen people. His story starts as a tragic story. Joseph's brothers become vehemently jealous of him and they kidnap him and sell him into slavery to slave traders from the land of Egypt. 

When Joseph gets to Egypt, it's written, "The Lord was with Joseph and he succeeded in all that he as he served in the home of his Egyptian master."  It is continually written that Joseph eventually gains favor in the eyes of his slave master and becomes in charge of all the affairs of the household.

Eventually the wife of the slave master accuses Joseph of a horrific crime and he gets placed into prison. Here's what is written about Joseph again, "But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed."

After Joseph is in prison for quite sometime, the Pharaoh starts to have these confusing dreams He hears from one of his servants of a man who is in prison who had once given him advice on his dreams. Pharaoh sends for Joseph to analyse his dreams, to which Joseph responded, "It's beyond my power to do this, but God can tell you what it means and set you at ease.”. Pharaoh shares his dream and Joseph reveals to Pharaoh what God is going to cause to happen to Egypt: a great famine followed by time of prosperity for the country. Joseph continues to say that God suggests that Pharaoh put a wise and intelligent man in charge of all of the land in Egypt to prepare for the famine. 

What happens next is the unbelievable: the Pharaoh becomes astonished at what he's heard and says to Joseph:

“Since God has revealed the meaning of the dreams to you, clearly no one else is as intelligent or wise as you are.  You will be in charge of my court, and all my people will take orders from you. Only I, sitting on my throne, will have a rank higher than yours.”

Joseph goes from a brother sold into slavery, a slave who becomes a prisoner, to a prisoner who becomes the second in command of rule in Egypt. God had brought him from a land that he knew and placed him (drop-pin...you are HERE) into a land he didn't know. Not only did Joseph work hard as a slave, prisoner and eventual governor of Egypt, the Word never once says that Joseph was dejected in his situation of being in a foreign land or taken from his family. 

It does continually say;

"God showed him favor..." 

Joesph wasn't where he was to begin with.

But he was where God wanted him to be. 

For a purpose.

After the famine hits the land and the surrounding areas, Joseph's brothers arrive in Egypt for respite and for food. At first Joseph withholds who he truly is, to the point of using an interpreter to speak to them in Hebrew. After he tests his brothers to see what they really stand for, he sees that they are humbled from the time when they had sold Joseph into slavery. Joseph then shares his true identity--

“I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors. So it was God who sent me here, not you!" 

Joseph knew from the start of his story that God brought him to where he was for a purpose. He never once lost sight of that. Despite his setbacks, despite his circumstances. Despite people hurting him, lying about him, forgetting about him. At each moment in his story, in the good or bad,  Joseph lives fully where he is at. 

Joseph never lost sight when he was placed in that powerful position by the ruler of Egypt. Where he could have used ego and intimidation as a device to reduce his brothers to shame;  he used compassion, kindness and faith. He knew why God had placed him in Egypt and never lost sight that God was ultimately at work in his life and those around him. 

Living fully where he is at. 

After Jacob, the father of all the brothers and Joseph, died; the brothers started to let fear creep in to their heart. The brothers were afraid the worse would happen to them once their father was gone. So they sent word to Joseph begging to pardon them from the horror they caused him many years before, selling him into slavery. Joseph responds with this--

“Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” 

Again-- Joseph never looses sight of his purpose. 

He voices a reminder that God brought him directly to where he was supposed to be. 

From start to finish. 

I'm reminded myself every time I read Joseph's story of how God brings favor to those He loves. He brings us to the very place He wants us to be. When I read his story I see how Joseph sees the silver lining in all of his circumstances. He sees hope. He sees God at work in his life. No matter what happens.

When life happens, it really and truly doesn't just HAPPEN. There is so much more at work and in your favor that you can even imagine. There is so much more of a design for your life than you could even dream. 

God has brought you HERE. To where you are. To live fully where you are at.

Do you remember John Candy? He was in just about every John Hughes film from 1980 to 1991. He had this great sense of comedic timing, he was gregarious, relatable. He was apart of the famous Second City improv troupe in Chicago and at one time was even presented with the opportunity to be apart of Saturday Night Live; in which he turned down to fully pursue acting in film. 

I grew up watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Uncle Buck and The Great Outdoors. What I loved about John Candy as an actor in these films what how he could do the utterly ridiculous comedy and then completely turn the switch and draw out the perfect dramatic scene. 

Roger Ebert wrote a wonderful piece on John Candy, his role in Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and how he as a movie critic has considered it "one of the greatest movies ever made, it is perfectly cast and soundly constructed and all else flows naturally." You can find it HERE.

This scene shows his unabashed way of transitioning from the comedic into the dramatic, which is a rare and powerful gift for an actor~

After a hysterical bout in that Wichita hotel room, Steven Martin's character, Neil unleashes all his pent up frustrations on John Candy's Del Griffith, on their outrageous situation:

Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some clue that this guy's not enjoying it? Everything's not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally. Honey, meet Del Griffith. He's got some amusing anecdotes. Here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it. I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could listen to them go on and on. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything. You know what they'd say? I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. There should be a string on your chest that I pull out. Except I wouldn't pull it out, you would. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! By the way, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea. Have a point. It makes it SO much more interesting to the listener!" 

After that very last line is delivered by Steve Martin's character, you can see the effect of it splattered across John Candy's face. His reaction to the outburst is touching. 

"You want to hurt me? Go ahead if it makes you feel better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like--I like me."

When John Candy's voice just slightly cracks with emotion at I like--like me; and that 1980's synthesizer music plays in the background, my heart aches every time. If you have any fraction of soul it would for you also. That's great acting right there. It's perfection.

Rodger Ebert perfectly describes that scene in this:

"....movies that last, the ones we return to, don't always have lofty themes or Byzantine complexities. Sometimes they last because they are arrows straight to the heart. When Neal unleashes that tirade in the motel room and Del's face saddens, he says, "Oh. I see." It is a moment that not only defines Del's life, but is a turning point in Neal's, because he also is a lonely soul, and too well organized to know it. Strange, how much poignancy creeps into this comedy, and only becomes stronger while we're laughing."

That's the very essence of versatility. It's that essence that can bring versatility to the table as a creative.

We all have multilayers to us. To our life experiences. What we've accomplished. How we've gotten to where we are at. What we've had to do to earn the bread. 

Personally I have a bachelors degree in behavior health from a small college in Arizona. I've had a 12 year career in banking; winning lucrative trips to Hawaii and Vegas. I've gone back to school for dental assisting and had experience in that particular field. I've worked as a barista at Stabucks. I'm a blessed mother of two littles, who spends most of my days taking my daughter to school, laying my son down for his naps, doing dishes, folding laundry. 

Yet when I have those moments of peace, calm, tranquility; I dream about what I'm passionate about---writing. And if I'm really fortunate I get to spend a just a bit of time each day working on it. 

It makes me think of that scene in Disney Pixar's Ratatouille when Colette starts to describe each of the different chef's that are employed in the kitchen at Gusteau's. 

How each one of them have had these incredulous exploits in their previous vocations.

She finishes her caveat with this: 

"so you see? we are artists......more than cooks are we." 

We are all more than what we've done with our life. What we do with our life each day. 

We're versatile.
 

Do you ever feel like you sound like a broken record as parent? Continually repeating the same mantra to your little minions? 

One of the many slogans that is on repeat emoting from my lips to my children is:

"Don't worry about what your sister/brother is doing. Just focus on what you are doing." 

I say this a lot to my kids. It's easy for kids to look at their sibling and think, "hey!? why not ME?!" 

And yet....don't we all think this way sometime or another?

Isn't this the condition of the human race? 

Think about it: 

This way of thinking goes back to the Garden. That Garden mentioned in Old Testament of the Bible. Genesis 3. When the first man and woman ate from that tree that was forbidden. When the first man blamed eating that fruit on the woman. When the first woman blamed eating the fruit on the serpent. It's essentially in our DNA and existence to crave; to what what the person right next to us has; or is apart of. 

When I first got my drivers licence, I had a huge fear of driving on two-way highways. I grew up in a slightly rural city in Washington State and there were plenty of these types of highways. Mix in the ingredients of large amount of annual rainfall, short daylight hours which turn into dark nights that involved driving to high school recreational sports which I was involved in and a shaky 1981 Chevy Blazer = an intensely terrified novice 16 year old driver. 

One night I started to share with my dad my fears about driving to a particular event for school on a busy two-lane highway that night. I remember sharing with him how scary it was for me driving at night with cars driving opposite of me. How I felt like I'm going to crash into them when I'm blinded by their front lights. 

My dad responded with:

"Violet. There's a reason that the outside lines on a highway are painted a bright white. So when you're driving in the dark you can focus on how you are driving. When you watch the opposite driver, it's easy to swerve into their lane. Just follow and keep your eyes on the outside line. When you pay attention to what you are doing, you'll stay focused driving straight."

I've thought of this often when I drive on two-lane highways and I've also thought of how it's relevant to life. 

When we start to focus on those around us and what they are doing, it's so easy to get distracted. 

It's easy to have these thoughts....

"Why is [that person] so talented?"
"Why is [that person] so successful? I want that!"
"I've been working just as hard as [that person] !"
"It's not fair."

It all really goes back to focusing on where YOU are going. NOT others. Silencing the noise and following the outside line. Following what YOUR calling is and not what other's are accomplishing. 

It's apart of something called Resistance. 

It's what Steven Pressfield has termed as:

"....a repelling force. It's negative. It's aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work."

This Resistance to look at the passing driver been a constant battle for me in the past. 

It sometimes likes to show its ugly face. 

That's when I like to punch it out. TKO. To the ground. 

That passing driver could be someone who is in your field of work who is more successful.

That passing driver could be that friend who doesn't quite think you've got IT. 

That passing driver could be that acquaintance who is more beautiful/talented/gifted/graceful/insert anything here.

That passing driver could be that voice in your head put there from a parent growing up that says:
 "why can't you be more [insert devaluing synonym HERE]" 

That passing driver can't be the focus. It will only undermine your sole purpose or driving force . 

It's only distraction to what you should be doing. Be it your job, your talent, your gifting in your craft.

What's helped me has been to commit to quiet the noise around me. When I start to watch  or listen those passing drivers I notice I am less driven. Less attuned to what I should be accomplishing. 

For you it may be to shut off social media. It has helped for me. It's helped me to quiet the surrounding crowd that so easily distracts my thoughts and perceptions of life. Comparison. It's that awful, relentless beast. 

It may be surrounding yourself with those who speak truth in your life. Here's the kicker when you apply this: that truth you are listening constantly; eventually starts to become your truth and your thoughts. It starts to be your words and actions. 

Find your own voice. Don't be a copy of someone else. It's completely freeing and honest to be who you are. This view alone has changed my entire perspective on creativity. 

Finally, have joy and encouragement for others. This has been key in my life.

I find when I have nothing but encouragement for others and what they are apart of;

this beautiful thing happens:

I'm happier. I don't compare. I pay attention to what I'm blessed with. 

I fully and entirely accept where I'm at.

How do you focus on the outside line? 

How do you shut out the passing drivers?

I entered 2015 exactly the way I entered 2014: sick with the flu and in bed recovering. Instead of my coworkers last year asking me, "Do you think you could be..... pregnant?" as I was leaving my shift at the coffee shop I worked at, (which, to clear the air: I was NOT pregnant, nor am I this year) I was being asked by my sweet family this year:

"Can you please REST so we can have mommy BACK??!!"

We had a wonderful Christmas and were hoping for a great New Year celebration at the house of some of our wonderful friends, then that Monday before New Years, I got sidelined with my first ever migraine. 

Yes. I was a migraine virgin, and let me just say: 

MIGRAINES ARE FROM HELL.

There is no other simple way of stating it. To all my friends who have battled migraines: I lift my glass of water with a side of extra-strength Tylenol to you. You are warriors.

I digress.

One of the things I was looking forward to going into 2015 was reading some great books. My husband bought me a few that I've been wanting for Christmas and it's everything in me to hold back and not to read them all at the same time. You see, I have this horrible habit of starting more that one book at once, then it overwhelms me too much to finish them all, then I just give up. Horrible, I know. I guess there are worse habits to have, like killing baby rabbits or something. 

here are some books I have on my list to read going into 2015~

Crash the Chatterbox: Steven Furtick

"The voice you believe will determine the future you experience." ~Steven Furtick

I kind of got this book by default. My husband received an advanced readers copy in his Catalyst book box about a year ago. What is Catalyst you ask? It's a community & conference for change makers. You can find out more on Catalyst HERE. Confession: I am already 8 chapters into this book. It's very good. Steven Furtick is a lead pastor of a church called Elevation Church in North Carolina and his book really delves into how our beliefs of God and ourselves can be very broken. He's got a great sense of humor, throwing in plenty of pop culture references yet really hits the target on hearing God's voice above all others. In his book, Steven Furtick says the chatterbox is that voice that says:

"you sounded really stupid when....."
"why would anybody want to be around a person like you, who...."
"God must be awfully disappointed in the way you...."

He uses examples of what "truth" is, what God says about you & I, and how God views us, as His own:

"I want YOU."
"You're Mine. I've chosen you."
"You belong. To me."
"You can know that you always will, because you always have."
"Before you were ever born, I knew you."


Daring Greatly: Brene Brown

I discovered Brene Brown and her pioneering research on vulnerability, authenticity, courage & shame through two TED talks I watched about a year ago. You can find them HERE. She's authored six books and has been featured on PBS, CNN & NPR. After I listened to her TED talks, I was in awe and thought: 

"This is what our daughters will be studying about, researching, and talking about in college. It's what women need to be talking about today. It's revolutionary. It's life changing."

Daring Greatly, received its title from Theodore Roosevelt's speech, "Citizenship in the Republic" given at the Sorbonne in Paris in 1910 that's sometimes referred to as "The Man in the Arena" speech.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

On the inside cover, the book issues that Brene dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that in truth: vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage. 

I've already read her books, The Gifts of Imperfection & I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't) both which were life changing and I've saved this one for 2015. 

The War of Art: Steven Pressfield

Last but not at ALL least......

I've been hearing Steven Pressfield's name resonating for the past year. In publications, through his blog and through people mentioning his work to me. He's a screenwriter, visionary, author, blogger and weekly he inspires others who are striving to write books & writing screenplays; something I'm currently pursuing.  The Legend of Bagger Vance took him 30 years to get published and he's been a struggling writer, who at one time was homeless & lived out of the back of his car. He is an inspiring person and writer on the creative process. This book has been on the top of my list to read for the last 6 months. 

What books are on your list this year? I would love to hear!