I was given some constructive criticism recently. Specifically on communication.

Criticism.

Interesting concept. It could come across as constructive or destructive. I have had to really think on this a lot after receiving mine. I was told in one way or less that I need to use my 'big girl voice' when talking to others. Did it shock me? probably. Was it the best way to phrase it? no. Did I need to hear it? yes.

Winston Churchill once said:
              'Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the                                                    human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.'

So true.

I do need to heed these words: to speak up. I have had this problem with precariousness. Stemming back to my early years. When I get nervous, scared & possibly intimidated; I start to talk in this small voice. Why? Insecurities. Being unsure of myself. Self-doubt. Forgetting who I am. The list goes on. The criticism did make me realize that this is an unhealthy thing to do. It hurt to hear, but I needed to hear it.

Next steps? 

Having courage. Speaking up. Listening. 

Being sure of who I am in the most difficult of circumstances.

Easier said than done.


  'Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.'
                                                                                                                       -Winston Churchill

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I won't say how old he turned to spare him any embarrassment, but it wasn't THAT old. I was fortunate that my parents visited from my home state of Washington this past week, so I got to hand deliver my gift to my dad.

One of the things that I have learned from my dad is gift giving. When my dad hears something that any of my siblings or I are interested in/like, he writes it down in his handy-dandy DayTimer dayplanner he has attached to his George Costanza wallet. When Christmas or a birthday arrives, he knows what to get. In turn: I really LOVE to pay attention to what my family & close friends are interested in; take a mental note/write it down to find the perfect gift later.

I was sharing with my husband how my dad used to read to me each night after I was adopted out of these 4 different books. He would open these books ask 'Where is this?' and 'Where is that' on each page. Just like I do with my daughter now. It inspired my love for reading and books. It was also quality time with my dad.

Flash forward a few weeks later. In the mail: a gift for my daughters 2nd birthday from my parents and a note from my dad. It was the 4 books he read to me as a girl. 

I was elated. 

He wrote how he remembered how much I loved these books and wanted to pass them on to his granddaughter for me to read to her. Just like when I was little.

Oh yeah. 

I cried.

For as long as I can remember, I've had an autoimmune disorder that effects my skin called psoriasis. I really can't remember a time that I didn't have it.

I've visited several doctors, naturopathic doctors, dermatologists and to no avail:

I can't seem to get past it.

Basically psoriasis is this:

an autoimmune disorder that effects the adrenal glands (the small organ that sits on your kidneys) and appears on the skin. Psoriasis can look many different ways; mine looks more like red patches on my elbows, knees, knuckles, ankles. I have asked many doctors the reason I could have this, here are some possible answers:

-an major injury to the skin (can't remember a specific circumstance that major injury happened to my skin)

-genetically passed (my biological family can't confirm that anyone of my relatives have it)

-stress (possible factor. does 7 foster homes before the age of nine count?)

-excessive alcohol/smoking (I don't smoke at all now and have had psoriasis much more severe before I was even of age to drink)

-obesity (last time I checked I'm not EXACTLY overweight. Although I did have it flare up much more when I was EXTREMELY underweight in my jr high/high school years)

Needless to say, I have stopped trying to figure it out....

Observations from others on my psoriasis: 

"What is THAT on your hands/arm/feet?"
 
I've had a charismatic woman praying hallelujahs over me 

"Are you into boxing?"

"Does your husband hit you?"

Ohhhh! and my absolute favorite from an extremely tactless person : 

"Do you have leprosy?" 

All I can do is laugh at that one.....

I've arrived at the place to be thankful for psoriasis & decided to make a compilation of reasons why:

THE TOP TEN REASONS I AM THANKFUL FOR PSORIASIS:

1) constant reminder to me that beauty is much more than what is on the outside.

2) creepy guy repellent.

3) hardly ever get sick. having a high immune system is a byproduct of psoriasis.

4) never have to serve in the military....in the event of a draft for women.

5) never had acne. psoriasis makes skin excessively dry, never had oily skin.

6) encourages me to relax. stress makes it worse.

7) 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

8) I get to sound smart & intelligent using technical medical words:
​
"It's an autoimmune disorder that effects the adrenal glands and appears on the epidermis."
This part I love.

9) it gives me something to write about.

10) it helps me have more compassion towards others. THIS part I love too.

Overall it has helped me realized who I truly am:

a mom, wife & writer.

Much more defined than by looks or appearance or skin.

Psoriasis has helped me become grateful for the skin I've been given.
​